Joe Wayring at Home/Chapter 3

Sort of woman who makes you feel that your hands are the color of tomatoes and the size of legs of mutton, if you know what I mean. I'm rather a quick sort of chap at times, you know. I know you'll excuse my mentioning it. "There they are, down there every night at eight bells, praying for fair winds-when they know as well as I do that this is the only ship going east this time of the year, but there’s a thousand coming west-what’s a fair wind for us is a head wind to them-the Almighty’s blowing a fair wind for a thousand vessels, and this tribe wants him to turn it clear around so as to accommodate one,-and she a steamship at that! They had a manual of arms which originated with Uncle Joe, who, for more than a year, acted as their instructor and drill-master. One of these days, I shall have a dash at asking my uncle to put up the money. I know everybody thinks there's money attached to the title; but there isn't, not a penny.

I shouldn't know how. I know perfectly well that a man may feel unutterably nervous before he goes in to bat at cricket, but his nervousness goes when he has scored twenty runs, and been in half-an-hour. You can let anything grow upon you if you permit it to do so, and why should we expect a man to have disciplined himself in his youth to avoid gluttony or any other pleasing vice, and not have feelings of scorn for the golfer who has allowed every absurd fad to take such possession of him that he is a slave to them, and an annoyance to himself and a nuisance to his fellow-creatures. He's the Johnny who came into the shelter last night. Then it came out that Asheton knew a girl who had been a schoolfellow of Jacquetta’s at Cheltenham, and had heard her stories of the comical old Misses Woodenhead, the spinster proprietresses of the establishment for young ladies. The fact is, he's a man I once employed over in New York, and, when I came across him over here, he was so evidently wanting a bit of help that I took him on again. In football you run your hardest and kick your hardest, and few spectators are much the wiser; and a nervous man can always hit hard at golf off the tee and through the green, for as he has not got to think of strength, he is less likely to fidget and foozle the ball.

Gives me a fearful time, I can tell you. Tell you what, though, I shouldn't mind the diplomatic service. Just imagine our students lunching at the very least in the Waldstein castle hall on massive old silver, served by waiters in liveries, and prepared for examinations by household professors in lecture halls equipped with all kinds of settees, arm-chairs and sofas; just imagine-but no, my young friends, never mind about this. I can't. By gad," he broke off, with a chuckle, "I'd give something to see him talking to old Saunders, our butler at home. I see. Not bad my spotting him, was it? His main defect as a footman was that he was somewhat hard of hearing, and had a marvellous faculty of misinterpreting whatever was said to him, which occasionally led to remarkable results. There were those among the unregenerated who attributed the unceasing head-winds to our distressing choir-music. From Mr. Snodder, the exciseman, who danced the original old-fashioned trois-temps, to young Bucklebury, of the Bank, who stationed himself immediately underneath the central chandelier, and spun rapidly round with his partner upon his own axis, like a couple of beetles impaled upon a single pin, every possible variation of the art of waltzing was to be observed.

Look here, young gentleman," continued Cripps confidentially; "I’ve taken a fancy to you. It's my man," said Jimmy. "Spike," he added in an undertone, "to the woods. You're quite right," said Jimmy. "I was wondering if you would recognize him. This time she made no effort to divert Mr. Bisset's train of thought. Well, it all goes to prove what I have thought all along," said Doctor Johnson. "Homer’s idea is a good one, and Samson was wise in backing it up. When we're at Dreever Castle, you will find yourself within reach of a good deal of silver and other things. Be quick back, will you? By playing games (a generally good approach to giving kids a good introduction to sports), they can practise quick geometry lessons, patience, agility, and concentration. He has lost some of his length, he cannot force a ball out of its bunker as he did formerly, and his eye is not quick at judging the distance of about eighty yards which he has to carry to get over some danger. Did you get any other clothes besides what you've got on?

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